Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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