I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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