I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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