I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
