kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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