Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
