The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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