I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
