I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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