I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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