a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
