I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
