Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
