just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
