yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
