the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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