I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
