just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
