Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
