I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
