so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
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under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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