Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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