we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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