I hate all girls vehemently.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
