just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
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Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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