I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
