im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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