I think my vagina is haunted
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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