I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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