i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
