On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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