I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize