If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
