i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
