Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
