so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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