Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
