We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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