If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
