I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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