sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
