the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
