made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
