He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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