So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
