the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
even my farts smell like vagina
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
