life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
