Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
