dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
