you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
