and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
