Don't make out with my wife yet
Define "chronic" masturbator.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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