I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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