Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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