'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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