Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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