My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
