I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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