they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
