So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
