i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
