I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
