I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
