You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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