I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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