someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
