John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
