Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
