I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
