Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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