This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
